we gave it all

we still stare up there
waiting patiently for...
nothing, absolutely nothing
nothing ever happens,
unless we make it happen,
but it won't happen then,
it will happen later
when yang meets ying
and when you are gone
that's the cruel nature
the way things go
and sometimes, sometimes
we can bring it back in
and actually enjoy it

but most of the time?
we are way too far gone.

no exceptions / no excuses

today:

the field
(from here we go sublime)
(how many sunny days have i gone running to this. fuel-energy-aggression-pain-love-desire-fear sputtering behind me. getting. it. out. crunching fall leaves under my feet. those are my feet, aren't they?)

school of seven bells
(sempiternal-amaranth)
(sometimes you get obsessed with one song, the way it makes you feel, your interpretation, how the melody tweaks different feelings, swirling, swirling, slowly taking you apart, bringing you back together again. me, this one, today)

and what we wouldn't give
to be there, up in the dark
without eyes, moving, moving
unseen, unwavering, undisclosed,
moving, regressing in rhythm
stripped to our first breath

and believe me,
we would give it all-
when we hear melodies
we feel the same things
selfless to escapism
on our hands and knees

and we are out of time
and you live here and now
and i live everywhere else

we say we won't do it again
and every time, we do it again

the secret

isn't this the secret spot?
i don't know why i don't use it more.
there are still so many things i'd like to express.
but you can't ever say how you really feel, can you?
the beauty comes from witholding everything dear inside.

go there

orbit

preposterous selectivity
is punishment for the beautiful
collapsing gracefully
with uncontrollable avarice and lust
on a fainting couch
and they shall lie listless
with insatiable desire
as excess bleeds their heart blind
an unfathomable empty comeuppance

sea to desert

been homesick,
staring out my window
at swirling sunset winds
as they meander
over the rocky terrain
of our boundaries
like come hither fingers
been watching,
soft shivers of fleeting sadness
kiss the shoulders
of those distant rolling hills
covered in tall grasses
swaying like fireflies
under the spell of a hot sky
and by the grace of chance
i will be well
in my haunted house

hiding

how long until i am found, here

nostalgia

this rising veil
exposes moments
that i
cannot grasp
they come to me
in a dream
so that i may long
for things unremembered
moments unseen
lost through delicate
fragile and fleeting
peripheral runoffs of desire

come to where i go
i wish you knew something

crying

my brain feels like it will float away
i was so high with the sun
why have i sunk?
i'm skimming the bottom of the ocean
searching for a flame
out of my peripheral vision
i see pictures of my sons
and though i don't remember the last time i did so,
it makes me want to cry
the very concept of them
and to their left is the light house
beaming in the blue
it's finally blue
if only for today
i smell blood on my fingers
and my womb aches
because i am a woman

a second layer of clothing

i bundle up
to hide my skin
and my skin protects my blood
and my blood swirls through my heart
and it's here that
i swim

i never could make smoke rings

pshooooooooooooooooooooo

the sound of a rocket flying through space