Filmy

Lying on shimmers of gold
The foamy tide saunters
Risen from lake's where
Cirrus feelers of curious
Dolloped in opiate eyes
Salted until savory
We stretch out
On a towel
nation

How do I
get feath
To her

naked

So we can both fly
To see the truth
Clouds are
Cotton

Beds for only us

a pill-ow for your head

a discarded cord
or was it...
a lost piano note
pendulums starboard
and i, we, we're veering
slightly
off course
topsy  turvy
a metronome
of immaculate
chord disasters
choral in unity
off-key clear
speaking to
confess &
neverest
shun

bearing over
the other's
ex-act
ness

i will wear
a windbreaker
and listen loudly
as shut the fuck-up

flash of lightning
shutter pause snap
too dark to capture
and shaky to grasp
those wish stars

why can't we just be here now?
none of our pictures ever turn out
and we missed half of each second
no plans to poke out our other eye

winding the winch
won't help anything
once severed with
a devilish grin

the crispy tacky crackling
of a depth sounder's cackle
like a smokey with ears on
indicates
we're too close
to safe, dry land
lack the shallow
with me today

i beg you to come deeper
let's unfollow the wind
lick your finger and
do the opposite
of instinct

i kissed your face with a bow
ribbons of water pillaging
unfurling a frothy path
with the goosey V
of our ship

of a grandiose
graceful delusion
i ask you to cometh

on loss

she said,
"you're suffering a trama"
the first person to hold heavy
and not underestimate the volume

i remember feeling
startled and grateful
looking down, i saw
she took off my shoes

she read a novel
an eye opening clincher
in a single empathic sentence

thanks, dude

ewe you u mine i eye snuggly creature

you really feel it
because trying
you never did
and failure
was me

and now?
you want me
to come brightly
you're mis-taking
this as trigger shy
but, it's really just
blown out brains

headless horseman

defibrillation

just hearing her azure sadness
adhered paddles to my chest
and i suppose i'm to blame
for staring at its shadow

ribbons fray
and disintegrate
acid rain's fashion
down to the quick
her fingers dilate
colder volume

remember those nights
wallowing over the piano
when indulging had meaning
before it became thee habitual?

and i don't mind

i've proven brakes
squeaky, yes

as she goes under
motor oil gives her
a midnight muse
so slippery

we listen to m83 and cry
because we're 17 in 2012
pouring virginal curiosity
but we wear the skin
of mid-thirties
women

we light bottle rockets and cower
pull our pants down to show the lace
we want you to feel some-thing strange
though, we act surprised when you speak

sitting on the hood of a van
we kept saying, "some day..."
and whispering, "i wonder..."
and here we are, stashed
no pacific ocean  in sight
beach house deserted
spray painted graffiti
hiding the dream
in the wells of
our minds

if you listen closely
you can hear the wind
whistling through her hair
fuchsia tights dangling over
some blown out window sill

some day
i'll wonder
once more

A few snapshots

City times.

Sleepy

City walk, sauna, deluge shower, sauna, lotions and oils, and back in pajamas and car. Times like these? Chicago is amazing. I think my problem was the job, which I constantly dream about now. It has replaced the high school locker one, where it always opens, but I cannot find the boy I like. Torture. Anyhowi, I'm plum tired. Photos in next post, so you can see how cool this city can be. It's alive, man, alive.

Here's how mentally ill I am

I have exercised 17 days in a row, since I quit my job. 17 days in a row, I have engaged in 5 mile runs. For the last three days, since being on my feet all day on thanksgiving, my lower back has been killing me. So much as a one inch shift in the wrong direction, and I'm all, "owwwww!!!!" Point is, I've had to talk to three different people and work myself up via a series of feeble self-affirmations to convince myself NOT to work-out today. There you have it. I keep wondering: how will I make it through the day???!!! I'll let you know. For now, I'm going to get dressed and walk around downtown Chicago. Pictures later, of course.

Things

Saturday

"some people dream in color"

when i said go fuck yourself, i wasn't being mean.

oh, yea, right.

no, i was being serious - you seemed wound up
........i was suggesting an orgasm, maybe i should have said:
........go make love to your sensual body right now, and call me later.

now you're being sarcastic.

no, i'm being absolutely candid, and i'll continuing doing so, by adding
........that you should add some peach lighting, candles, and steam to the scene
........maybe toss rose petals around the room, a path leading to your finger-lover.

oh, ok, maybe i will. i'll call you later.

jeez, finally. 

why does everything have to be taken so anti-literally? fuckin' A. 

creatures stir, yes

saw a squirrel
in the V of her arms
could have been paper
such a shame for green bay
but there he was, staring down
coal eyes, sniffy li'l nose, curled
you think i like this wind, either?
touché, you sleepy ball of fluff

i couldn't move my hands 

at this juncture, so i 

went inside of

my warm

house

it's not super fair, is it? 

but we're better architects

no, that's not true - 

it's not that we build better

it's that we, ourselves, are built better

no, that's not true - 

different.  we're different

no, we're exactly alike

but, have higher

expectations

i'm not

sure

higher? 

what am i talking about

he's the one up in a tree

wrong again, creature 

draped in mankind's

finest cancerous

comforters

black friday

Cap

De golfski.

I'd say

Covered in clouds
A flight canceled
Talking like that
Was a mistake
And vagued
Me villain
Again

I forgot how stubborn
Punching bags were

Yin chasing yang's tail
Is absolutely exhausting

expensive vino

licking fire
ire, dire, mire
pyre, wire, liar
fire, sire, desire
long dist-ance
i'm gonna be
in  trouble
but, uh,
it's just a
dangling ring
according to a
cord's chord
in the air
hush

nobody will answer
my mind is goosed
cooked as well

i hope it tastes like butter

i remember,
i know love, which brings lust
after a long joy ride to trust
meld absolute, we must
he ran his fingers through my soul
dipped his present inside of my future
slipped and slid on my slick sentiments
sediments sedentary for a hundred lives

updates. on the day. the choice.

i love her, and our history, hopefully she'll "see"
hitting tennis balls on walls, she should know,
saving her - saved me. i miss her, and us.

i ran five miles, vacuumed, have laundry going, and am making thanksgiving.
who is this girl? when i was young? i was the most lazy person that existed.
it's all in motion now though, and it's just as i had it as a child, a bit trashy.

green. bean. casserole. amen.

i now know though, that my "creamies" are actually called "mizeria."

my gravy will blow your brains out.

i don't know, it's like: oddly nice outside.
maybe my sexy pigtailed girl sent me some warmth.
now, if she could just send me some critters to fall on my head.
either way, i'm waving down to her, way down in the deep south, my home.

i'll light a fire in a bit.
and take pictures of my food all set out.

oh, right

i, uh, better get cooking.

hahaha
i have a lot to do.

first, i'll go running to earn all that fat. yum, y'all, yum.

human

i told her
you deserve love
from a human, too
she sluices stereo
lugging heave-ho
salacious sacks
of salty guilt
i follow on
soft shoes
with a knife
slicing some
relief, vents
hoping she'll
maybe notice
tossing grains
over our minds
and in whimsical
grandiose whispers
i tell her to be strong
again, like in 1990
no frying pan
needed
ever

fuck you
tchaikovsky

god, it makes

me so angry

but...

always
lacing love
i'm a beggar
a palper with
chapped hands
scraping off eyes
from old  cyclicals
i pocket them away
always saying please
self-defeatism, beat it

peel off labels
skinless sinless
baby tuberous
because, see
all of these
asterisks?

back under
the cupboard
they grow back

innocent, bruised melted glass pulled off of a tiffany lamp
i never let you burn again, in twenty some-odd years

you did nothing wrong, not by choice, never, your heart -
god, just look at it; it's steaming and pleading with you
mama, some of those words are outdated, mama
you hold me inside here, mama, remember
i'm just a figment of your big world
say it, say it, i am a child, too

don't you say jezebel again
it makes me want to rip
every man that ever
looked at your 
hazel eyes
away
away
away

i can tear them in one whoosh 
a piece of paper is delicate history
take every record and make 100 skips

do you hear me?

i fucking love you
believing my words
is all i can hope for

i've just been waiting for a sorry
for not believing in my ghost
i'm innocent,  an outlaw
hopping bound-aries
roving tectonics
of squeam

i am the 1 living person
you could ever trust in
flesh and blood form
existing in the now

Just some shit

then turned it off

cause i'm drinking coffee
cause i'm coffered in dryer sheets
cause i'm trying to be understanding
i'm trying not to judge her choices
i'm trying not to fear her actions
it makes me feel saccarine
mortared cicada shells
freckled in leaves

foggy haze
and it's ugly out
nowhere to be or go
first time since purpose
i just...
it's in my dreams now
the elevator, my keycard
the people i avoided
eye contact
with

nervous pulsation
mostly my heart
why do i jump
it's what i do
i'm strange-er
the images burn
looking in mirrors
stoking anxiety
with coffee
is today
the day
i stop

i doubt it
highly
i mean
lowly

some details

tell me people...

the mrs.

i'd say, what's your favorite song, and you'd say, i don't care, and i'd say, we'll see about that.

i'd put you on my back
and take you to 1990
with the real me

this is where it's worthwhile
you'd borrow my blackberry lipstick
realize it's now a cellular phone device
and we'd
both cringe
at the thought

you say, live in the now

i say,
how do we
erase everything
from here on out?

yes, i did
tell you about
the yellow pills
but it's just not
as satisfying
as this

burning
irises in a
cobalt blur
peeking out
of the thicket
nectar eyes tryst
in all that alabama

this poem is unreasonable
mismatched chopped minced
a casserole without a single fuck

neither of us have "jobs"

refill reuptake inhibitor inhibitions

padding around a small square
of 10 tired mid-western acres
just knowing i had space
was enough to keep
me almost still
lungless

saw some horses
"one of them bites," she said
after suggesting my kids take a peek
i told her they were afraid of shih tzu dogs
maybe it's... not such a good idea, you know?

all this land, i kept thinking
i could really hermit-out here
the house had too many rooms
studio, library, dog washing area
about seven fireplaces, bathrooms
i have no idea, i couldn't keep up...

i could really get lost in and out

warm vibes

dear gentle reader,
if you are still following, re-found me here - after i closed down perceptions, i just want to say thank you. i closed it down, because i'm going to try to actually put stuff together professionally with my poems on there over the last 8 years. so that's what that whole ordeal is/was all about. i quit my day job, no shit. i'm going to finally focus on kids, photography, but most importantly: poetry - my passion. anyway, i'm trying to keep the vibe pure here, and less censored, because it's more secret. if you found me, put the effort into that - i just want to thank you from the bottom of my contorted heart.
love,
ann richelle

Florida and if I was Mormon

true story from last week

i couldn't tell anybody, because then they wouldn't let me take the car anymore...

but i'm a little foot-loose and fancy-free, when it comes to photography. 

i drove "in-land" to find the perfect road. there it was - 

i've been eyeing this one for a couple of years. it's near Wild Turkey Drive. 

i had my canon rebel with me, and my fancy new lens, so i was all set to photograph. 

i pulled the sports-car into the desolate street, decided i should turn around for a fast get-away - 

but the road was so crude, and the convertible car so impractical- i slid right into the ditch. 

in doing so, i looked up, and saw the sign "enter at own risk" and laughed...

only me, man. only fucking me. i never got any good photographs - 

because i spent the next half hour knowing i'd get out - 

i seriously was not worried a drop, but knew it was

a slightly creepy and/or dangerous scenario...

and it's my job to keep things calm around here

to not let either of my boys see me frightened

EVER. if i pledge one thing, it is to relax.

then, i promise, it will all work out. it will. 

i spun the wheels a lot

tried many different angles 

hell, i even put it in neutral and 

tried to push it up the scrubby hill

this is futile, i thought, but it's fine...

people started to arrive-

saw me from the road, "struggling"

first a "normal" looking guy, then a clunky

unmarked, spray-painted, backwoods 

truck with shirtless, tan men.

the men in the truck looked 19 feet tall from my stance and spoke minimal - 

they nodded when "normal" let them know he got me out. 

my son and i high-tailed it to the swamp for a peaceful walk with 2 fresh coca-colas. 

point is - i didn't get any photos, so i, of course, went back to the scene. i took these snapshots with my iphone, so they aren't "quality" at all, just a way for me to remember me and jordan's little secret. his first photography assignment, and my most-favorite.  

tiny little truth-speakers

a handful of yellow pills
it's not time to start counting
but, i know they're disappearing

the ghostly hands of
fugue aren't fair

i don't remember that

hey, kid

i mistook... i looked up at him
after i realized he felt sorry for me
the mollasses rain pillaging the concrete
why me? was all i could think. why... me...
thunder echoed 'tween slow-rise industrial strips
high, like the low of stroh's, and our soaking pajamas
fluoride treatments, foamy legs, a lack of destination, and...
a towering aisle of no-names and chemicals that'd ruin nerves
realized, i was inside of the little waiting-room aquarium, clinging
all those curious eyes on me, wishing i'd do something more exciting

but i can't

thing

i guess i like it here.
i looked back at every post.
i like how i didn't fake anything.

we'll see about this. we will see, indeed.

watch this:
fuckshitshitfuckuncensoredlustdesirefuckingbrainsandalonecompletely

ha!

Baby

We will have aliases
Swallow the evidence
It's just paper anyway
The pulp of our rings

You called it "inviting"
Rocking chairs on a porch
A place to confess our digests
While struggling across the globe
How many lives have we followed
This smeared and tattered old map?

I told you it was Spanish Moss
Right before you grazed my skin

Gulf to Lake Michigan

No poems, but for the allowed
Hi, butterscotch goldfish girl
So close to the Gulf, but
You circle cul-de-sacs
And I trust your eyes
Hazel amber honey
To drizzle over
My womb's
Letters

So here are some musings
Miles above the clouds

His face, smoking
Sky-writes twin pain
Sun glistened vacuous
I stare at 1991 infected
Lips bribing my tongue
To lick the throb away
When I go backward
His dumbo audio
I must devour

Cause being home
Wakes some stasis
Embryonic dream
Steeping inside
My thighs

I drink coca cola
Swallow Vicodin
And feather on
Nostalgia's
Lashes

See, now I know
What he meantimed
Shooing away squirrels
Counting at the last minute
Baby, I don't care until dire
I'll never forget what should

August lake house
Smolders me
Doe and
Bear

I was dying for him to notice
The intense desire for that joyride
God, he owed me, but feared fabric
Then, I did the same thing, didn't i?

Blue rubber gloves keep me away
From the closeness i long for
How corked can one be?

I tell lies
And seldom
Feel apologetic

I got rid of our archives
My control addiction
Pickpockets love

Because I'm crazy

You won't know anymore, now will you?

Sha sha shawnaaaaa

Hi

Guys

Raising eyes and glasses
Fuck, and I'm begging bears
What am I even doing anymore

repetition words.

where would you go?
where would you go?
where would you go?
where would i go?
where would i go?

i'm turning to shell silverstein, i know.
i'm turning to shell silverstein, i know.

because.
he makes me laugh.
and genuinely makes me cry.

what's the temperature tomorrow?

i feel so weak and wan and may take tomorrow off, to recover.

hilarious

your
issues
issued a
statement
to my issues

issues, issues, issues
keep your issues quiet
we've got bigger issues here
no, we've got better issues here

keep your issues, over there
they stink. putrid. they're nothing
your issues are not the issues at issue

and our issues will not issue an issue with yours

ok.

ah yes, here

dear you:

readers do not read this blog.
they do not  know that it exists.
it's out there, free to be read, yes.
but i have never mentioned it to you.

i don't know when i'll be back
actions speak louder than words
i'm putting the cart before the horse
we'll see what happens, in due course

right now i need to press ignite
get on this hot air balloon
and go on a joyride

this is bringing back memories
i  just cannot bear to relive

i'd rather watch this unfurl from above

hi, darling, she said.

i ran upstairs on lead legs
desperate to write something
i realized, over the years, i'm free

i'm dizzy, you see,
it's slow, elaborate
i'm covered in dryer sheets
giving outdoor fresh a shot (again)
glad i did, i really am feeling satisfied
it's raining cicada corpses, the dying chirp
what is it, exactly, that is their purpose here?
i mean it. i can't come up with a reason for them.

that's all. at least on this secret blog. nobody knows this spot.

i made this when i wanted to explode once.
too much, it was all just too goddamned much.
you have no idea, none of you, because i buried it.
like in some movie, i took a shovel, and i placed it in.
then i put soft sand over the top, which is risky - because
well, when the tide rises all the way up, which it will, i'll be
exposed.

sonic youth and coffee

you know, there was actually a time when he was afraid of me.

most tired

i am tired
and i don't care
i've taken my one-track mind
and crashed another car into it
just look at it go! it's flipping now!

wonder if it will fly off of a cliff and explode??

boop

you're sucking the yolk
out of my shell

i just got the shivers writing that

you say nothing's changed