human

i told her
you deserve love
from a human, too
she sluices stereo
lugging heave-ho
salacious sacks
of salty guilt
i follow on
soft shoes
with a knife
slicing some
relief, vents
hoping she'll
maybe notice
tossing grains
over our minds
and in whimsical
grandiose whispers
i tell her to be strong
again, like in 1990
no frying pan
needed
ever

fuck you
tchaikovsky

god, it makes

me so angry

but...

always
lacing love
i'm a beggar
a palper with
chapped hands
scraping off eyes
from old  cyclicals
i pocket them away
always saying please
self-defeatism, beat it

peel off labels
skinless sinless
baby tuberous
because, see
all of these
asterisks?

back under
the cupboard
they grow back

innocent, bruised melted glass pulled off of a tiffany lamp
i never let you burn again, in twenty some-odd years

you did nothing wrong, not by choice, never, your heart -
god, just look at it; it's steaming and pleading with you
mama, some of those words are outdated, mama
you hold me inside here, mama, remember
i'm just a figment of your big world
say it, say it, i am a child, too

don't you say jezebel again
it makes me want to rip
every man that ever
looked at your 
hazel eyes
away
away
away

i can tear them in one whoosh 
a piece of paper is delicate history
take every record and make 100 skips

do you hear me?

i fucking love you
believing my words
is all i can hope for

i've just been waiting for a sorry
for not believing in my ghost
i'm innocent,  an outlaw
hopping bound-aries
roving tectonics
of squeam

i am the 1 living person
you could ever trust in
flesh and blood form
existing in the now